I put out a list of relationship mistakes that are commonly made by Gay Men and it became a viral sensation. I started seeing it up on FB Pages and it was shared so much that people were talking about it to me and I WROTE THEM! I was proud to see that what I was saying was a truth. Not everyone agreed with me, but its okay we are all entitled to our opinions. When I made that list, I had some more things to add to that list, but was waiting for the right time. Here’s the rest of that List:
1. Putting Your Business Out There: When you have a fight with your boyfriend or husband, don’t ever do it in front of your friends. It’s humiliating for the both of you, and no matter what you go through, it’s nobody’s business. If you feel an argument coming on, or you feel like you are being attacked, simply call your double aside and have a quick chat with him. “Not here!” You say. If a friend comes over to be nosy, say, “Just give us two minutes.” If the friend persists, you get up and leave. Don’t ever give people the right to butt into what is not their business. While Gay people can be at times animated and hurt and want the whole world to know their issues at that very second, its better to vent at home then regretting it later. You do not want to be on everybody’s lips. Also, avoid having long conversations about your problems with friends. Some people are NOT your friend and may use it to their advantage. You can’t ever truly trust someone. If it’s family and they are really worried about you, try to keep your issues away from them. Family will always take your side, and the sudden argument might permanently hinder your partner’s name with your family. Remember, you can be okay and resolve things, but family and friends always see the person or YOU a certain way. That’s how gossip begins.
2. Talking About It Too Much: While communication is key and helps to build a relationship, sometimes saying too much can hurt you and him. When a partner doesn’t want to speak and you are forcing him to open up, what you’re doing is hindering him from communication. He is not ready. Same for you. When someone forces you to talk and you’re not ready, you might say things you don’t mean or say things that you don’t really want to say. Sometimes taking a walk or taking time apart can help both parties to think about what just happened and reflect.
3. If You love Something, Let It Go: That’s probably the stupidest advice anyone can ever give you. When you’re in love you have ups and downs. it doesn’t mean you have to let each other go and then see if you come back to one another. No! There are plenty of people out there who will be willing and ready to take you or him, so don’t throw away all you have because of words or experiences. Healing is key. Try to be kind to him. Make him breakfast or take him to see a movie. You don’t have to talk just sit beside one another. Remind each other why it was you fell in love to begin with.
4. I Got Your Back: A common relationship problem Gay men have is that when they are together its one thing, and when they are with other people its another. Sarcastic comments disguised as jokes fly by, and the more you drink wine the more hurt is lashed out. People do notice this and people are always waiting for a show. Try to resolve your issues at home and never belittle your partner, no matter what. Don’t play any truth or dare games that might hinder your relationship by bringing someone up you know they don’t like. Don’t reminisce about old times, because your partner might assume you miss it and crave those times. They might reevaluate the relationship to fit your needs. Always have your partner’s back. You are a team.
5. Who Makes More Money: Money is a common issue in the gay world. Most of the time couples won’t break up just so they don’t have to get stuck with the rent and bills. If your partner makes more money than you he should not have to throw this in your face everyday. If you are happy in what you do, do it. Money should never be a problem. A man doesn’t love you if every time a problem arises, he wants to make you feel like you are inadequate. That really hurts. That has even broken relationships just by those comments alone. If you are the one making more money, remember that when you met him he was like that. Let a person reach his own goals and his own conclusions. If you have a problem with money or you both have something to say about it, it doesn’t have to be a negative conversation. Talking about money can be important and can be rewarding. Accepting each other the way you both are is key. Once you get past it, you can really fly.
6. Tell Me Who Your Friends Are: We’ve all been there. When you meet your boyfriends’ friends and you don’t like them. You either choose not to be around them, or you put up with their shit to please your boyfriend. It’s always obvious and when the friends realize you don’t care for them, they suddenly pit your boyfriend against you. Then you have no other choice than to either fight about it or ask your boyfriend to stop hanging with them. Here’e the thing. It’s a double edged sword. If you ask your friend to stop talking to them, you’re breaking a bond he has. If you’re boyfriend has those kinds of friends, then you need to evaluate your boyfriend’s judgement. If your boyfriend asked you to stop hanging with your friends you’d have a problem with it. How do you solve this without bloodshed? Solution: Get to know his friends. Spend a day with them and drink with them. Ask questions and figure them out. If that doesn’t work, have them spend the night and really get to know them with your boyfriend there. See why he loves those people so much. Eventually you’ll get it and it won’t bother you as much. If they really are fucking annoying and you just can’t stand them, explain that to your boyfriend but have a list of why you hate them. Explain that you tried but it just isn’t working. If your boyfriend loves you, he’ll address the issues. If he doesn’t and beats around the bush, your boyfriend doesn’t care about your feelings and that may hurt you in the future.
7. He Said, He Said: If you are in a serious relationship and know who your man is, do not believe everything everyone tells you. And if you have suspected something, don’t be dumb enough to have your friend run come tell you. The He said, He said bullshit gets really old, and some people have nothing better to do then talk about you and your man. A little gossip never hurt nobody, but if you see that those same friends are doing the same to other people, cut that cord immediately and evacuate the building.
8. Trying New Things To Spice Up The Relationship: At times its perfectly okay to try something new and fun, but really evaluate your relationship before you go any further. Make sure that you both understand boundaries. Do not let other people influence your decisions and do not have a threesome with that hot best friend that never goes home. It can have dire consequences. Make sure that any fun and any adventure you have will make your relationship stronger and not weaken it.
9. In Your Name: Be really careful who you put in your will and do not quickly sign your name for a car, a cell phone bill, a house. It is very common that gay couples do this because whoever thinks they are going to separate? Nobody! So a kind gesture like that may bite you in the ass later. If you are the one signing, you get stuck with the bill. If you are the one getting signed for, you might have to vacate the premises, because we all know gay break-ups are never clean. Especially when they involve property. If you trust the person whole-heartedly and even after a break-up you want to help them, then by all means. But eventually you will want to move on and you won’t be able to.
10. 2 Become 1: I think I tackled this subject before, but some gay couples tend to morph into one person. They dress the same, act the same and the identity goes right out the door. It seems that because you are so comfortable and have so much in common than there’s no longer a use for one of you. There are are now 2 of you. Another thing may be gaining weight or the halt of romance. Because you are so comfortable, you stop doing romantic things and the sex is also boring. You gain a bunch of weight and when people see you they can’t even recognize you. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable but don’t lose your spunk and who you are. In a relationship there is 2 people with 2 brains.
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