12. Commit Me: Gay men seem to think they know what they want, and some of them actually do. But many gay men get full with their eyes. Boy meets boy in the club, boys get food at the diner, boys think they’re in love, boys have sex, boy stops calling boy. Gay men have too many outlets that allow them to pick and choose who and what they want. You may want a committed relationship but you have to compete with everyone in a 5 mile radius. Stop texting him, he’s not interested. But he’ll text you when he’s done. Some gay men are afraid to accept the truth.
11. STD You See: STD’s are so common that it should be a normal thing to get tested and get things treated. But the very fact that you contracted a sexually transmitted disease really puts the fear of God in a gay man. There’s nothing worse than wanting to have sex with a guy and then have to stop at second base. Wait things do get worse. Having to make up a stupid excuse because you have an STD. In the gay world there is a stigma associated to people who get STD’s and however immature it is, gay men assume the other gay man is a slut because he has a disease. Some guys are actually cool with it and will stick by you. But you’ll be surprised at how immature some adult gay men are when you reveal the truth for your peace of mind.
10. You Do Drag: Drag has come a long way and what was once taboo is now what every gay guy secretly wants to be. But some gay guys are ashamed to admit they do or have done drag for fear of losing a guy. There is still a very real fear of self acceptance with being feminine. Gay men are running to the gym in droves, growing beards and lifting weights to be socially accepted in the gay community. So to be the exception can really put a gay guy in an awkward position. And while many can put up a front and say they are proud of what and who they are, they still feel secretly ashamed to say they do drag in fear of losing a man.
9. What They Really Sound Like: We’ve all been there. We see he’s trying hard to be masculine, has muscles, the beard, the hipster hair and glasses. He’s a stocky bear with a killer smile. Then he speaks. Most times gay men try to hide how they sound because they are overtly trying to be masculine. But after a few drinks the “gurl, what?” comes out. While not all gay men have a feminine voice, many do have that “I’m definitely gay” voice. Like I said before, a fear to be a little feminine makes a gay man feel like he has less of a chance to fit in, and so he tries to play it off by lowering his vocals.
8. Where They Work: While nobody should judge you based solely on where you work, many gay men are afraid to admit they don’t work at a salary job. They’ll beat around the bush and claim to be a wandering soul or a starving artist, but they really don’t want to tell you that they work at H&M or Outback Steakhouse. They feel ashamed because they feel like at their age, they should be growing in some company but instead they are behind a bar in their underwear. Nobody should ever make you feel less than, but this is a very real fear for men.
7. Living Single In a 2000’s Kinda World: While everything on this list does not apply to all gay men, a majority still live with family or friends and have every excuse in the book why they do, hence the profile in their apps that say, “Can Not Host.” Many gay men have not become mature enough to own their own homes or rent their own apartments. Many move to big cities to be near gay communities but cannot afford the metropolitan rent. So when you’re looking to make out with your boyfriend, chances are he might take you to the park. Bring a blanket.
6. Jealousy: Many gay men live in communities that are very small meaning they have either fucked or talked to mostly everyone in their city. This means that when you come along, they want to make sure you are not “tainted.” Jealousy is very common with gay men because gay men in general are very vocal and animated. Gay culture is mainly associated to sex so it is very hard for a gay man to trust another gay man.
5. He Likes Your Best Friend: In my experience in gay culture, one of the most common things I saw was guys who had boyfriends who were into their boyfriend’s cute best friend. Most of the time, this was the base of the problem. If gay men were more open about how they felt, they could get it out of their system and move forward. Instead, some choose to explore the possibility, ruin their relationship, a friendship and credibility.
4. Drugs & Other Things: Some gay men are recreational drug users and hide this from friends and partners. This eventually causes a rift and tears relationships apart.
3. True Colors: Some gay men will do anything to get their man. Even hiding who they really are. Everything is roses until the shit hits the fan. Then suddenly he’s dominant, territorial, abusive, too opinionated, mean and angry. This really puts people off in general, but gay men experience this often because some gay men feel the need to hide the crazy until it’s too late. So it’s your job to read people well.
2. Party Boy: Some gay men are afraid to admit they want to go out and party….without you. Some guys need some space, the need to get out and have a drink with someone other than you. But he’s afraid you’re going to think he wants to cheat or that he doesn’t prefer your company so he keeps it to himself.
1. LOVE: Some gay men are afraid you’ll find out he doesn’t love you. Some stay in relationships because of rent issues, job issues and it’s really hard for them to just leave. They rather “put up with you” to have a roof over their head. Some gay men just don’t really feel that connection and that’s okay. What’s not okay is staying because he doesn’t have a place to go. Man up.
Written By: XAVII MATISSE