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Night Of A Thousand Boyfriends: Long Distance Diss

So I stumbled upon some cute guy who worked at Apple in NYC on Facebook and we seemingly hit it off. The speedo pics in Dominican Republic should have tipped me off, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt. He was charming, sent me a puzzle of my face (yes, he drew my face on a puzzle) and spoke to me for hours. So far so good, I’d say if I was reading this. What could go wrong? Well, nothing.

He asked me to come to NYC to visit him and spend the weekend and how could I say no? I was 27 and I was over being single. It was autumn and it was just a perfect time to fall in love. This is all in mind of course as Cat Power plays to the soundtrack of my life. When I arrived, I saw him standing there with the perfect jeans, perfect jacket, perfect smile. He was cuteeee!

I tried to get myself together and you know I was looking cute too! So he tells me that I’ll get to meet his friends and they’re going to love me. But then he heads off to work as soon as I settle in. “Babe, I have to go in but I’l be back around 11pm. Hassan and his boyfriend are going to take you out for dinner and drinks so just feel comfortable and have fun.” Hassan was his friend who worked in the United Nations. Yes, I know. So he basically left me with his friends. But I thought nothing of it. 

Hassan turned out to be very funny and sweet and his boyfriend Manuel as well. As we had dinner they seemed to just be the perfect couple. Hassan kept ordering a bunch of drinks and he said that other friends were coming over to the house for more drinks. These were my kind of guys. After a successful dinner, Manuel said that he was going to meet another friend at the subway so he wouldn’t walk the street alone. So me and Hassan made our way into the apartment building. Hassan looked at me and said, “Xavii, I’m really glad you met Jordi. You’re really really wonderful.” 

I smiled and said, “I appreciate that. I know Jordi thinks highly of you so that means a lot coming from you.” He smiled and we both entered the elevator. I don’t wanna say some Solange stuff happened in there, but it was pretty close. Hassan threw himself at me and tried to kiss me. He pulled me close and said, “I want to fuck you on the kitchen table!” I pushed him off and the elevator doors opened.

"Hassan! What the fuck are you doing? I’m with Jordi!" "I won’t tell him Xavii. You’re so sexy. I could fuck you so good!" I stepped away and refocused. I wanted to run out the door and scream, "I’m getting raped" but that was ridiculous. He was drunk and he was a New Yorker. Which means they usually get what they want. But not this time. I walked over to the living room and I plopped on the sofa. "Hassan, I want you to know you’re a sweet guy, handsome and all, but we both are with someone and I just met Jordi. I’m not going to do anything with you." 

He sat next to me and tried to kiss me again. “Please Xavii I need to taste your lips.” He was Middle Eastern so he had this accent along with the smell of vodka on his breath. Then he suddenly pulled away and like Jekyll and Hyde he said, “I know you care for Jordi so I’m sorry. But if you want me to show you my dick I will.” Then he went into the kitchen and started to make drinks. He changed the subject and I awkwardly went along with it. 

I don’t know if it was a ploy from his boyfriend to leave me alone with Hassan but it was really uncomfortable. So then Manuel returns with a few friends and we had a great night. I got weird stares from Hassan all night but at one point he pulled me apart and said, “Hey, let’s not mention this to Jordi okay? I’m sorry if I made you feel bad.” I nodded and walked away. 

When Jordi came from work he gushed about me and Hassan and Manuel did the same. When we all got to bed, I didn’t want my first night with Jordi to be a bad one by mentioning Hassan’s intentions with me, so I kept it to myself. It was great sleeping near Jordi. He had a nice build great legs and we connected.

In the morning, we had breakfast and I ask Jordi if he wants to take a walk in the park with me. They lived near a park, keep up. He said yes and we went. He held my hand and it felt so nice. Perfect, day, weather and guy. I struggled with keeping this to myself but something told me to just say it. So I said, “Hey Jordi can I ask you a question?” “Yeah.” He says. “Okay, well if I had a friend who um…came on to you…would you tell me?” He seemed completely oblivious. “Of course!” “Oh okay. Okay good. Um…” “Why what’s up?” 

I was shitting bricks. I was literally sweating and had to take off my jacket. “Well, your friend Hassan. He’s great and all but…he tried to kiss me and came on to me last night. I wasn’t sure whether to tell you because I know that’s your best friend.” And the complete opposite reaction happened. Brace yourself. 

"Xavii, you have to be making this up. Hassan would never do that to me. We’re like brothers." Yes, it was Twilight Zone bullshit. He was literally treating me like I was 7. As if his best friend would never be capable of hitting on anyone. A guy who wears a bathrobe with no underwear to breakfast. Yes. 

So it got awkward real fast and I followed up with, “Well Jordi I would never make up such a thing. I’m not that kind of person, but if it offends you just know it was him not me. I mean, I wanted to tell you because you said if it was you, you’d tell me.” He nodded his head and looked completely disgusted with me. He let go of my hand and walked way ahead of me. So I tried to change the subject. 

"It’s a great skyline over there huh?" "And as if nothing was ever said, he smiled and said, "I love this park because of it. I want to live in this area for a long time. But you know I travel a lot and my heart is a gypsy." Yeah bitch now that I told you about Hassan suddenly you’re a fucking gypsy. "So what does that mean Jordi? That you don’t believe in relationships?" "Not really. We have a million soul mates." Yes it was happening. The Get Out Of Jail Card was being thrown because he was as delusional as his best friend Hassan.

And of course, being the mega Aries that I am, I chimed, “I believe in being a free spirit as well, but what if you meet The One and you fall in love? Love is powerful right?” I was now sounding as delusional as him. He kept responding aggressively and I knew it was my time to just leave. I didn’t want to be with an asshole who let’s his best friend hit on his boyfriends. I don’t like pussies. 

So I walked off and he ran after me and said, “You okay?” “Am I okay? You completely made me feel like an idiot! Like it was my fault Hassan is a prick and now you’re talking about being single. That’s not what we talked about on the phone and on FB! You’re being passive aggressive and you’re being stupid and I’m not into it. I’m getting my shit and I’m leaving.” And that’s just what I did. 

He insisted on going with me down town and being there while I waited for my bus but I turned to him in front of Hassan and Manuel and said, “You know what Jordi? I really liked you. I think you have wonderful qualities about you, but being a pussy is not one of them. If you want to be an idiot and let Hassan fuck your boyfriends while you turn a blind eye, that’s fine with me, but I’m not that kind of boy. Just because you live in New York doesn’t give you a free pass to be douche bags. Jersey boys don’t get down like that. Fuck you and Hassan. I grabbed my bag and walked the hell out of there.

I did hear back from him on FB. He tried to make it out like I was the one who egged Hassan on, and WTF what planet was he living in? We’re adults. If you can’t handle an issue like a grown man then I don’t need to have any part of you. A week later he posted pictures of Hassan and himself in Dominican Republic in speedos with some male hoes. I dodged that bullet. Turned out he and Hassan are just pathetic gay men who have Peter Pan syndrome. 40 year olds who think life is about fucking and partying and have no sense of reality. He was living with Hassan so that was a red flag. 

Looking back now, I think Jordi was just lacking common sense. A man who let’s his best friend dominate him and hit on his boyfriends has no sense of self worth. And I’m sure if I look him up, he’s probably in a relationship (they always say they don’t til’ they do) with some young money hungry kid who has probably slept with Hassan. Good riddance. 

Written By: Xavii Matisse

How To Get Away With Murder: Why It’s Not As Amazing As It Should Be

Let’s admit it. We’ll watch anything with Viola Davis. A well deserved Oscar nominee, a well-spoken actress and a one of a kind personality. Seldom do we come across such true talent. But with that said, though Shonda Rhimes meant well with giving Viola a juicy enough role, the hype was simply good…great marketing. 

"How To Get Away With Murder" stars Viola Davis as a man-eating (so we think) law professor that seems to intimidate students as much as tantalize them. She basically defends murderers and wants her students to be just as good as her in the future. This is as interesting as this show gets. The flash forward scenes, over the top acting from the supporting cast and easy to figure out plots makes this ABC show a guilty pleasure but not good enough to pick your brain. 

The show’s strategy to stick it next to Scandal (Clever) propelled the show more than it would have in any other time slot. The cheap plugs on social media from Scandal actors also helped make this show a must-see. What works for this show is Viola’s strong and complicated character. As always, Viola brings a unique character to life but it is not enough to keep this show afloat. The over the top acting of the supporting cast (too eager to succeed) become caricatures more than realistic people and the quirky twists and turns only feel like a modern version of a Murder She Wrote episode. 

I commend Shonda for doing something different and bringing in a new demographic. The show is not horrible and at times catches your attention, but the writing is weak and the show may suffer for that eventually. But I’ll keep you updated. I’ll watch simply because of Viola Davis. She’s perfection even in a show like this. 

10 Fashion Icons You’ll LOVE After This

10. Grace Woodward: This savvy British bombshell is best known as a judge on Britain’s Next Top Model, but her grandeur surpasses much more than that. Grace is a stylist, host, writer and creative director that has garnered her accolades. She has styled Green Day, Cillian Murphy, La Roux, Florence & The Machine and Pharrell Williams. She has contributed to Elle, Harper’s Bazaar (UK & South America), Flaunt and Nylon. 

9. Azzedine Alaia: This Tunisian-born designer is a notch above the rest. He does not advertise in magazines, doesn’t not care for social media and has worked with Christian Dior, Guy Laroche, Thierry Mugler and Miuccia Prada. Starting in the late 70’s, His name was immortalized in pop culture in 1995 when the character Cher from the popular movie “Clueless” refused to bow down at gun point because she was wearing Alaia. 

8. Adele Exarchopo Ulos: This fantastic French actress who recently starred in the controversial “Blue Is The Warmest Color” has made a splash in the spotlight for her mixes of sultry and sweet, making her sought after by exclusive designers. One minute a soft ingenue the next a fiery pistol, Adele plays to the versatility of her feminine wiles. 

7. Iggy Azalea: While many of you are are just recently swimming in her rap waters, Iggy has been underground creating a name for herself for a while now. An unconventional hip hop artist, Iggy’s blond waves and signature red red lip has become a cult classic, and while she may talk about the streets she comes from, it’s obvious she’s far from home. 

6. Karla Welch & Kemal Harris: Power stylists who are ruling Hollywood, these two have dressed nine actresses for The Golden Globes alone including Amy Poehler. They’ve styled Justin Bieber, Robin Wright, Zooey Deschanel and Elizabeth Moss. Strong, individualistic and Stunning, Karla and Kemal bring a new ambitious take on fashion to their polished clientele.

5. Johnny Wujek: This stylist didn’t need Tyra Banks to catapult him into stardom, his work speaks for itself. A mix between chic, urban and avant garde, Johnny has styled Katy Perry, Kate Mara and Kim Kardashian. 

4. Aline Weber: This sophisticated top model has been on the covers of (brace yourself): Elle Serbia, Elle Mexico, Elle Portugal, Vogue Brasil, Vogue Thailand, Harper’s Bazaar Singapore and has been in campaigns for Jazmin Chebar, Scotch & Soda, Carina Duek, Addiction By Ayako, A.P.C., Elisabetta Franchi and this is all recent. Aline is proving to be the face of a generation and the next wave of top models. 

3. Abiah Hostvedt: This unconventional male model has been a favorite on the runway from Prada to Lanvin and for the past two years has been very sought after. In campaigns for Tommy Hilfiger, Gap and Lanvin Abiah is pushing the envelope in what Fashion sees as masculine and feminine and gives it a sleek twist. 

2. Massimo Giorgetti: This colorful designer is known for his exuberant prints and youthful on trend looks. His contemporary mash-ups and his love of indie music (he was once a DJ) makes Giorgetti a patriotic powerhouse for the fashion industry.

1. Margaret Zhang: This Australian personal blogger takes cool to a whole other level and perspective. Her look is colorful, bold and not at all cluttered. The future of fashion is in the hands of bloggers and with Margaret, it’s looking up. See you front row.

By: Xavii Matisse E.I.C.